Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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