your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
