I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
