Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
