i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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