Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
