so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
