I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
