So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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