they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
