Someone shit on the floor
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize