Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
