Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
