Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
