This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
