i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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