I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
