I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
