Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize