the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
