Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
