glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
