he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
