there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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