I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
