I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
