Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
