oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
