just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
