lets start a swedish sibling band together
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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