My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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