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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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