tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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