I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
