there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
