So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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