We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
