i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
