you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
