I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
