Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
