Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
