Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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