whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
