I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So vagazzling was a success
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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