He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
