I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize