No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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