Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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