She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im holly from the hills drunk
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
