he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
