i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
