At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
