You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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