I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
