We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
