About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
