i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
