No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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