Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
