She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
