i don't like sucking hair
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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