She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
