My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
