We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
