get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
