dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
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