Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
this will be a night to untag.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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