I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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