I met the friendliest cop last night
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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