I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
