is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
