Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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