Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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