I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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