Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
