cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
