Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
