I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize