Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
