So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
