She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Threesome in a minivan. New low
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
