Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
