In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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