i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Randomize
