i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
