Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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