Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
