Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
