haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
