I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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