Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
