Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
