Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
