I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize