I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
