I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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