Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
