Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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