the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
