Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
