got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
