Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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