she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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