Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
