i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
