I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
