I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
