dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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