I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
