He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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